Previously on our blog, we’ve shared tips on how to help a loved one with dementia transition into assisted living. In this article, we’ll help you communicate with children about a loved one relocating to an elderly long-term care facility such as a nursing home or independent living facility.
Explaining to children why a cherished family member is moving into an older adult’s care facility is a delicate task. However, it also presents an opportunity to teach them about aging, empathy, and family responsibility.
This guide aims to help you navigate this challenging conversation and support your child through the transition.
Explaining What Senior Living is to Children
When a loved one moves into an independent living or assisted living facility, children may have many questions.
It’s best to start by explaining senior living in simple terms. Describe it as a community where people who need extra help live and are cared for. Highlight the positives, such as skilled care, social activities, and safety.
Six Ways to Explain the Benefits of Senior Living to Children:
- Getting Help with Everyday Living: Explain that senior living facilities and assisted living facilities assist with daily tasks like bathing, dressing, and taking medicine.
- Taking Part in Fun Activities: Emphasize that their loved one can join in on games and activities to keep their minds and bodies active.
- Making New Friends: Mention that there are opportunities to make friends and participate in social activities.
- Cleaning and Housework are Taken Care Of: Compare it to a hotel where residents don’t have to worry about chores.
- Having Healthy Food Prepared: Highlight that nutritious meals are provided, ensuring they eat well.
- End Each Conversation on a Positive Note: Remind your child that while this change is difficult, the move to a senior living facility is in their loved one’s best interest. Reinforce that this isn’t a goodbye but a new way of spending time together.
Addressing Your Child’s Emotions
It’s important to acknowledge that children can experience a wide range of emotions, including sadness, confusion, and even relief. It’s crucial to validate their feelings by reassuring them that it’s okay to feel upset.
By doing so, we can create an environment that encourages open conversations and where children understand that their feelings are truly important.
Encourage Your Child to Ask Questions
It’s important to create a supportive environment where children feel comfortable asking questions. For instance, they might have concerns about visiting a loved one, how often they can visit, or when the loved one will come back home.
Providing open and honest answers can help ease their worries.
The Role of Your Extended Family
Communication is crucial during such delicate life transitions, and it requires total family inclusion. To provide a broader support system for your child, involve extended family members in discussions and visits.
This can help your child feel that responsibility and care are shared among many and that the transition of their loved one doesn’t mean their family is getting smaller.
Preparing Your Child for Changes in Their Loved One’s Health
When you’re talking to your child about a loved one’s move, it’s really important to let them know about any possible changes they might see in their loved one, especially if the move is because of a condition like Alzheimer’s disease or another form of dementia.
Try to remember and include the benefits of senior living facilities when speaking with your child about this topic.
Age-Specific Strategies for Discussing Elder Care
Tailor your approach based on the child’s age.
Toddlers:
When speaking to a toddler about a loved one moving to a senior living facility, it’s important to keep the language simple and focus on the basics.
School-Aged Children:
Provide more detailed explanations and encourage questions.
Teenagers:
Discuss the situation openly, offering more in-depth information and involving them in the process. For older children and teenagers, you might discuss the legal and financial implications of moving a loved one into a senior living facility. Simplify the information and explain the reasons behind these decisions.
Remember, every child is different, and their understanding and reaction to the news can vary based on their age, maturity, and temperament. Being available, honest, and supportive throughout this process is crucial in helping them navigate this change in a healthy way.
Help Your Child Maintain a Connection with Their Loved One
Help your child to cultivate a strong connection with their loved one, even when they are separated by distance.
- Regular Communication: Arrange video calls or phone calls.
- Sharing Hobbies: Engage in shared activities like reading a book or playing a game.
- Creating Memory Books: Encourage your child to create memory books filled with family photos or projects about their loved ones. This helps them celebrate and remember the special moments they shared.
Mental Health and Coping Mechanisms
Monitor your child’s mental health. Signs of struggle might include changes in behavior, sleep patterns, or appetite. You can help support your child’s emotional well-being by:
- Encouraging Open Dialogue: Maintain an open line of communication.
- Providing Comfort: Offer reassurance and understanding.
- Dealing with Guilt or Self-Blame: Address any feelings of guilt or self-blame your child might have. Reassure them that the decision is made with their loved one’s best interests at heart and that it’s not their fault.
- Seeking Professional Help: If necessary, consult a counselor specializing in child grief and family changes.
If your child is having difficulty adjusting, seek help from a counselor or psychologist specializing in child grief and family changes. Talk with your child’s pediatrician for referrals.
Handling Resistance or Negative Reactions
When children encounter change, they may show resistance or respond in a negative manner. Managing resistant children can be challenging, but there are strategies that can help support and guide them effectively.
Strategies include:
- Listen Actively: Recognize and validate their emotions and worries.
- Provide Reassurance: Assure them that their feelings are valid and it’s okay to be upset.
- Seek Professional Help: If resistance continues, consider consulting a child psychologist.
Preparing Kids for Visiting Senior Living Facilities
Plan regular visits to the senior living facility to make the new situation a normal part of your child’s routine. Help your child think of activities they can do during visits, like reading a favorite book, playing a game, or sharing stories.
Five Tips for Taking Children to Visit a Senior Living Facility:
- Pre-Visit Conversations: Use child-friendly language to remind them why their loved one now lives in a senior living facility.
- Plan Ahead for the First Visit: Let your child talk with their loved one over the phone or video call before the visit.
- Create a Project: Encourage your child to make a card or craft to bring.
- Coordinate Activities: Participate in scheduled events at the senior living facility or bring your own entertainment.
- Prepare a Show-and-Tell: Ask your child to bring items to share during the visit.
Conclusion
Navigating the world of senior living facilities can be quite challenging. However, by being honest, patient, and understanding, you can help ease the transition for your children and loved ones.
To help your family adjust to this new reality, it’s important to encourage ongoing dialogue, validate their feelings, and provide continuous support.
Remember, it’s not just about one conversation but a series of discussions to help everyone adapt to the changes.
At Veramazo, we provide personalized and curated advisory services to ensure your loved ones feel at home in a community that meets their unique needs and treats them with the dignity they deserve.
A note from our co-owner and clinical team leader, Michelle Marceca
I've spent years helping families navigate the often complex and emotional journey of senior living transitions. One of the most profound experiences I’ve had was during my time in private practice when I had the unique opportunity to speak with children about their loved ones aging. These conversations were enlightening and deeply moving, as they highlighted the innate empathy and curiosity of young and innocent minds.
Recently, I had the pleasure of speaking to a group of children at a local library about the elder care journey. A couple of children mentioned their grandmother was moving into “an old person place.” I explained the why to them and discussed how an assisted living facility can be the best place for their grandparent. Their initial confusion and sadness soon turned into understanding and acceptance. I described senior living as a place where she would receive the help she needed, participate in engaging activities, and make new friends. By framing the transition positively and addressing their concerns openly, we turned a potentially distressing situation into a learning opportunity about aging, empathy, and family responsibility.
These experiences taught me the importance of honesty and compassion when discussing such sensitive topics with children. It's crucial to validate their feelings and encourage open dialogue, ensuring they feel supported and heard. This approach helps them cope with the changes and fosters a deeper connection with their loved ones and a better understanding of the aging process. As you read this article, I hope it provides you with the tools and insights needed to navigate these conversations with your children, empowering them to handle life's transitions with resilience and empathy.